Wait 'til you're announced...

I just watched a movie that was quite moving. Some lovestory. The kind of movies girls usually like to watch. I loved it. Romance, Complicated relationships, waiting, fear, the kiss that never comes, the happy ending.. These are all the stuff that made me love Love and wait for it so unpatiently. I'm not sure these movies give us the best image of what we should be expecting because it is never as it seems. Never does it look as perfect as in these romances. But in the real life, it seems authentic. 

The movie just made me think a little bit about my life and my relationships and love. 

I've been talking a lot with R. who is quite romantic and old-fashionned about love and he pointed out for me something I already knew and have already written there. I'm looking for the right path right now, trying to create a new balance in my life. I've been smiling and being very happy, this is right. But I've been feeling alone and frustrated and so many other things. 

I lose control on my eating habbits sometimes, I talk too much, I have FOMO [fear of missing out] and I hold on every little peace of stability and security I can get. I've stamina but I don't know what to do with it sometimes. I would like to take my life in my hand and make it go the way I want to go and sometimes I wonder if I'm just not made for a very stable and controlled life. 

Lately, I've been struggling with some emotional issues and I don't really know how to handle them. Any person who actually read my articles would know about that. I've got a friend I really appreciate and I feel like somehow there is or could be something more than what we actually have. And it scares me because I am perfectly aware of the fact that I'm not ready to engage in a serious relationship. I wish I could but it's not how it is. Moreover, I don't want to risk hurting him anyhow or hurt myself in the process. So, I am waiting and hoping I'm making the right choice. Waiting will give me the time to figure out how I feel about my friend and maybe how he feels about me. 

I don't want to listen to other's babbling about it because none of them knows what is in my head. I don't feel trustworthy yet. I don't feel worthy of him at all, to tell the truth. 

Anyway, I will listen to R. for once and try to keep the distance a little bit harder than I am. To figure some things out like do I miss him, does he miss me? Will he ask for some news? Will he wish to spend time with me? 

Lots of mysteries. 

I don't want to rush into anything stupid. 

If you know him. Don't tell him. 

Oh, the movie btw is called "Love, Rosie"